Try Some Tylenol

I’ve been having terrible jaw pain. The entire right side of my face starts radiating with pain by 10 am. I would like to consider myself a mature, self sufficient adult and therefore when this happens, I do what any mature, self-sufficient adult would do… I call my husband at work to talk about it.

“Hey, do you have a minute?”

“Maybe…what do you need?”

“My jaw hurts again.”

“Okay… did you take any Tylenol??”

“…..”

“What about calling the doctor? Didn’t we discuss you calling the doctor when you called to talk to me about this yesterday? Or the day before? Or was that last week when you called OVER and OVER about this?”

“Like I have time to just call people in the middle of the day John, you know I am really busy pretending to watch our feral kids. You clearly don’t know my life. I gotta go.”

This went on for a good few months until one day my jaw started trembling uncontrollably. Suddenly I had time to call the dentist.

“How long has this been going on?”

“Forever.”

“Are you wearing your nightguard?”

“Every night because I am clearly very cool.”

“Are you under any stress?”

I sat straight up in my little dentist chair wearing my little dentist bib and laughed OUT LOUD.

We have 4 kids at 2 different schools with 3 different pick-up times. I have spent the past 10 months missing approximately 3,876 virtual events a week. There is food I bought for a food drive rolling around in the dark abyss that is my van because my child FORGOT to carry it in. Christmas is in 11 days and I just realized I have been shipping all my gifts to the WRONG ADDRESS.

“I don’t think…life feels pretty normal to me right now.”

“Okay, well maybe you should try some Tylenol.”