When Costco Costs More
I’m not exactly sure what’s happening in your house, but all the things in mine are simply just peachy keen. Turns out quarantining together in the face of a pandemic was just what we needed in order to love and appreciate each other more….
except no, none of that is really true.
To be fair, it hasn’t been the absolute worst. By the sheer grace of God I have managed to keep my nipples unexposed on Google Classroom. My breastfeeding 10 month old does not seem to care how his feeding schedule fits into his sister’s countless live class hangouts and there have been more close calls than I would care to recount. I am also eternally thankful my 9 year old did not stop and loiter the day she passed by our open bathroom door where I was… ummm… busy while she was on a SCHOOL WIDE zoom call. Because… you know… nothing says welcome back to school in the fall like someone coming up to you and saying “remember that time I saw your mom pooping on zoom?” Why “yes, yes I do, thank you for mentioning it again”.
Clearly, we are poster family for silver linings.
Probably the silveriest (Can we say this? Is this an actual thing?) for us thus far as been discovering the money pit that is shopping at Costco. Perhaps you too, have seen it play out at your house. Let me explain…
In the past I have tried to limit the amount of snacks we purchase at Costco because we grow all of our own food in our compost garden in our backyard , I mean, we don’t have a pantry. And, while I appreciate the fact that I can buy 9,876 cans of mini pringles all at once, having no place to put said cans is a real buzz kill. You know that whole “if you see it, you will eat it” theory? Well… lets just say we know it to be true at our house. Fruits? Veggies? Meat? Yes! Bring me all the cold Costco things, packaged goods? Not so much.
And then… Coronaviurs.
Suddenly where we were going to put the snacks became less important. Even the type of snack being offered was deemed irrelevant here. It’s 9 am on a Tuesday and you want Chili? That’s great, grab a bowl. Tortellini at 10:15 in the morning on a day of the week we can no longer identify? I don’t care, just clean it up and get back to math. And this my friends is when I started noticing the pattern.
Looking for new snacks to hold us over I was so elated to find the peanut butter crackers we had been buying at the grocery store in packs of mere 8 were sold in a bulk pack of 42 at Costco. Lets be real, when you have 4 kids a pack of 8 anything is like an appetizer. “Thanks Mom, that was good…. where are the rest?” I added the crackers to my shopping order and gave myself a virtual high five. My next discovery was the giant tortellini packages in the cold section. My 5 year old had been begging for “those noodle thingys with the cheese in them you made in the water” for weeks. Not only did they have it, but if I bought it in bulk I would have enough for two meals. I smiled and clicked add to cart. I was young and naive back then, I had never been exposed to the unspoken Costco rule…
If you buy it in bulk… no one will eat it.
“Oh, wow you saved $0.35 per unit on those 36 apple sauces that look just like the ones from the grocery store? Thanks anyway, but I decided I don’t so much like them after all.”
“The 35 peanut butter crackers were $0.10 less a unit AND you had a coupon? Wow, good idea mom, I know we argued and cried over the 8 we had last week, but we’ve decided to go gluten free… maybe next time.”
“I really liked those Veggie Straws 2 weeks ago when I was a kid, but now that I’m older they make me vomit a little in my mouth… well all of them except the new sweet potato straw. Maybe you could just spend 45 minutes or so picking those out of the 6 giant bags you bought for me?”
“80 bags of popcorn? No thanks.”
“6,789 chicken nuggets? Gosh they aren’t the same as Chick Fil A”
“925 individual almonds? Not today”
“72 yogurts? Nah- it’s just so creamy”
And the list just keeps going.
Remember the tortellini? Today after an untouched plate at lunch a pair of precious brown eyes gazed up at me and said, “I’m really sorry to say this but I actually don’t like this torteeny things at all. I’m not really hungry anyway.”
Thank you Costco for providing our family with approximately 9,251 items they now know they do not like…. unless those items are purchased in very small packages at the grocery store.